No Bigfoot News
August 15th, 2008No Bigfoot News
Bigfoot News Conference A Flop
Coming as not much of a surprise to anyone, the anxiously awaited Bigfoot press conference focusing on the Georgia Bigfoot claim revealed… nothing.
CNN was there. FNN was there. About 100 reporters were there.
The “evidence”?
Well… Not there.
The actions of these rednecks will not dispell the beliefs of this writer however. Bigfoot is out there somewhere, probably watching all of this unfold from the comfort of his den in the forest, laughing his hairy ass off.
Believe.
Happy Birthday Melanie
August 14th, 2008Happy Birthday Melanie
“What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.”
~Aristotle
BFF
Many people cross our paths,
With exchanged words and glances each day.
Some of these strangers become our friends,
Many more go their own way.
But there is one friend in the life of each of us,
Who seems not a separate person with a separate goal.
Instead, an expansion - an interpretation - of one’s self,
The very meaning of one’s soul.
This friend is different than the rest,
Her friendship is a lifelong endeavor.
There’s no doubt nor question,
she is my Best Friend, Forever.
I Want To Believe
August 13th, 2008I Want To Believe
Bigfoot Lives!
Well, OK, not this specific Bigfoot - but the rest of his tribe appears to be OK!
Surely you’re heard the news by now… A Bigfoot corpse has been discovered in my beautiful state of Georgia.
(original source and press release)
This awesome “monster” has been my favorite “mythical creature” since I was a child. There was always something really cool about this guy. Well, you know, not the dead guy in the photo, but the live ones that walk around in the forest.
So, yeah, I’m pretty skeptical of this latest claim - especially since it could be a well-devised marketing plan. But, I will hold out my hopes that this is real, and even more important, that these Bigfoots… um, Bigfeet… live right here in my state.
Christmas List
July 30th, 2008Christmas List
Dear Santa…
I’ve finally reached the point in my life where I’m going to just come right out and ask for things I want.
In the past, there have been things I wanted that just weren’t in the budget, or might cause embarrassment for my friends and loved ones, or trigger some alert at the FBI that would have my house surrounded by snipers in a matter of minutes.
In fact, there’s a few things that fit into all of those categories at the same time.
I’ll start slow though, and keep it only within legal and community accepted standards.
I want a Goth Girl.
I want a tub full of Cheetos.
Better yet, I want them combined… And delivered.
Sometimes you’ve just got to ask…
Do Something Illegal
July 29th, 2008Do Something Illegal
People Will Remember You
So, I was looking for a very important document last night…
Wait, let me preface this by sharing my “very important document” filing method…
1). Important document comes into my possession.
2). If document is semi-important, it stays on the kitchen table until someone moves it, or throws it away. If the document is deemed “really important”, then if gets placed on the computer desk, somewhere between the “bills that are late” pile, the “bills that are really late and probably should be paid” pile, and the “bills that I haven’t yet opened because if I don’t open them, they don’t really exist” pile.
3). Once this pile of “really important documents to be filed” grows to a size that prevents me from moving the mouse around on the desk, the pile is sorted into “stuff that was really important before, but doesn’t seem so important now, and is to be shredded” and “stuff that still needs to be filed”.
4). Then, the “shred” pile gets shredded – this is always done without procrastination because, well, let’s face it, shredders are fun.
The “stuff that still needs to be filed” pile is then moved upstairs, into the room containing the file cabinet. But, the documents aren’t actually filed at this point. Instead, they are placed into a pile on a desk in that room.
5). Over a period of months, items in this pile will be read, removed, copied, faxed, scanned, and misplaced, until the pile becomes too large and unmanageable. When that happens, the pile is moved to the top of the file cabinet. No, I don’t mean the top drawer. I mean the top of the cabinet.
6). You know, to be filed when I have time.
Nothing ever really gets into the file cabinet from this pile. Some things end up behind the cabinet. Some items are used to kill spiders with. Some remain there. Others get moved and never returned.
The reason the items don’t get filed into the cabinet is that 98% of the documents currently in the file cabinet are obsolete and no longer relevant. I don’t want to put these “new and important” documents in with receipts for lawnmowers that I no longer own or medical records for pets that died two years ago.
So, anyway… I was looking for a really important document last night… Which means I was searching the entire house.
Along the way, I ran across and big envelope containing my family tree – my ancestry from the maternal side, in detail, dating back to the mid 1500s.
This sidetracked me for a good couple of hours, but I learned some very important things while reviewing this data…
First, no matter what you do in your life, you’re going to die. In fact, that is exactly what happened to every one of my ancestors.
Second, in most cases, your life will be summarized to future generations as one or two sentences. That’s it.
Those two sentences will be the mark you’ve left upon the world during your entire existence here.
Each summary of my ancestors was summed up with:
Old Person 1: Born somewhere in some year, married someone, died somewhere else in this other year.
Old Person 2: Born somewhere in some year, married someone, died somewhere else in this other year.
Old Person 3: Born somewhere in some year, married someone, died somewhere else in this other year.
Old Person 4: Born somewhere in some year, married someone, died somewhere else in this other year.
Old Person 5: Born somewhere in some year, married someone, died somewhere else in this other year.
Blah…
Blah…
Blah…
Until… Until we get to my Great Grandfather.
Old Person 15: Born somewhere in some year, married someone, died in state prison while serving a seven year sentence for shooting a police officer.
Oh, yeah, Great Grandpa was a badass. To make a long story short, he shot an officer who was trying to serve an arrest warrant on him (for “disturbing the peace” – aka, “beating his wife”).
Now, I never knew Great Grandpa because he died about 30 years before I was born. And, it should be noted that the police officer lived.
But, at least Great Grandpa stands out from the crowd in my 500+ year ancestry.
If you want to be remembered centuries from now, I strongly encourage you to go out and break some laws.
Under no circumstances should you shoot a police officer - and, if you do, I hope you get taken out in return - but maybe running nude through the middle of the Super Bowl or being the world’s most celebrated prostitute would work. Use your imagination, and just don’t hurt anyone.
Actually, if you decide upon that prostitute thing, send me an email…
Randy Pausch - RIP
July 25th, 2008Randy Pausch - RIP
October 23, 1960 – July 25, 2008
Randy Pausch died today.
Dr Pausch was more than a great man. He was, and is, a role model. His courage and leadership were inspirational to millions of people around the world, and will continue to be so, even without his physical presence.
I wanted to post my favorite Randy Pausch quote here in this post, but there’s no way I could narrow it down to just one. However, after much deliberation, I was able to narrow it down to three.
In no particular order:
“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”
“It’s not about how to achieve your dreams. It’s about how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you.”
“He said, when you’re screwing up and nobody’s saying anything to you anymore, that means they gave up. And that’s a lesson that stuck with me my whole life. Is that when you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a very bad place to be. Your critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care.”
.
If you have never experienced Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture - Achieving Your Childhood Dreams, do it now. It will be the most rewarding 80 minutes you’ll experience for quite some time, and just very well may change your life, as well as the lives of those most important to you.
.
Fontly Yours
July 17th, 2008Fontly Yours
Are You Loyal To Your Font?
Many years ago, back in the early days of selectable computer fonts, I had a decision to make…
What would be my primary font of choice?
To most people – or as I refer to them, “normal people” – this wouldn’t be much of an issue. Just select the font you like and go with it. But, that’s also how you end up with something retarded like Comic Sans MS as your default font.
And, let me tell you, I have received resumes from job applicants written using the Comic Sans MS font. They weren’t hired, nor considered.
But, I did spend a lot of time considering my default font back in the day. I quickly narrowed the possibilities down to Arial or Verdana, both of which were developed specifically for computers – and therefore better for display on monitors.
When I began web development, I finally chose Verdana for a number of reasons, with Arial as the backup font.
And everyone was happy for the next 15 years, with Verdana and me living together in harmony in the land of rainbows, unicorns, and free gasoline, blissfully happy with one another.
That is, until about a month ago.
For one reason or another, I have found myself using Arial more and more. I can’t put my finger on why that is though. But, with increasing frequency I’m finding myself selecting Arial instead of Verdana.
I feel guilty doing this behind Verdana’s back, after 15 years of loyalty. I feel dirty and cheap.
But I just can’t resist the temptations of Arial.
That irresitable slut.
Baby Pictures
July 12th, 2008Baby Pictures
New Daughter: Pumpkin
She actually has kind of an interesting background story…
Back in May several tornadoes swept through the Atlanta area, one of which hit downtown Atlanta.
After the tornadoes, a worker at a construction site found 8 kittens - which can only be assumed that they are from the same litter - in a storm drain. The mother was found dead in a nearby pond.
He brought the 8 kittens to the shelter, then went back to complete the work on the storm drain, welding the cover on as he had originally planned to do before the discovery.
The next day he went back to check on the drain to make sure everything was OK before moving on. When he did, he saw this kitten (above) in the drain.
He spent the next two hours with his crew, removing the welded-on cover, to get this ninth kitten out, then brought it to the same shelter.
The vet at the shelter found her to be dehydrated, but otherwise fine.
A month and a half later, she’s part of our family.
Thanks Mr. Construction guy. It’s a reminder that there are still good people out there.
Work Sucks
July 10th, 2008Work Sucks
No, Seriously
Why is it that when I return to work after a few days off, it takes two weeks to catch up on everything?
And, why does it take a good five days or so to really get into that euphoric “unemployed” mental state? You know, where you stay up really late, sleep whenever, and don’t even look at the time.
I could really get into that whole not-working thing. Well, except for the inability to pay bills or buy food part…
RIP George
June 23rd, 2008RIP George
You’ll Be Missed.
“If God had intended us not to masturbate he would’ve made our arms shorter.”
“The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
“I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.”
“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”
As a final farewell to Mr. Carlin, I would just like to say…
- Shit
- Piss
- Fuck
- Cunt
- Cocksucker
- Motherfucker
- Tits
Oh, and PS…
- Fart
- Turd
- Twat
