Burning Down The House
November 2nd, 2007Like many others in our country, I’ve been spending some amount of time recently following the wildfires in southern
Watching video of these fires did persuade me to ask myself: What if a fire was roaring toward my house, and I had 5 minutes to evacuate? What would I take with me?
Five minutes is not a lot of time.
Obviously the safety of my wife and children would be considered first and foremost. That should only take about 20 seconds, unless my oldest daughter happens to be instant messaging her friends, in which case we would have to wait until the current topic of gossip has been fully disclosed to everyone else and she finally enters “Oh my God, this fire is about to burn my ass, I really need to go! I don’t know… I may be right backâ€, or “OMG TFIATBMA GG IDK BRB?â€.
Then, of course, my wife would need to put on some makeup. I’m sure she wouldn’t go for the full “The Works†package, but we’d no doubt have to wait for the “Lite†version to be applied.
This would not prevent me from multitasking however. I could still gather up the material items that I could not possibly live without. So, what would they be?
As I write this I’m looking around my house to see what I would take with me in such a situation. After taking a mental inventory of every last corner in each room I have found… Nothing.
This is the good side of having a taste for modern decor and technology. Everything I have in my home can be replaced, with the exception of some old, pre-digital, photos. I can grab that box and go.
Every important piece of information in my life is stored on one or more of my many computers, which are all continuously backed offsite with an outstanding online service.
Most of the other items in my house I’d actually prefer to let burn. Electronics? Computers? TV? Clothing? They could all use replacing anyhow.
If I didn’t need them for the quick getaway, I’d probably move both cars into the garage as well and let them burn with the house. Both are great cars, but I wouldn’t mind that new car smell again.
Furniture? Easily replaced. No family heirlooms here. No one-of-a-kind antiques. Most pieces have been “customized†by either my dog or the three cats. Which brings me to my final self-debate…
The dog would go with me.
The cats? Hmmm…
In the unlikely even that I can even round them up (have you ever tried cat herding?) and catch them all, I can just see myself trying to run across my front lawn – with the thundering wall of fire just out of reach – with three terrified cats in my arms. You know, that wonderful piercing sensation that you feel when you’re holding a cat who begins to panic and secures itself to the safe haven of your body by anchoring its inch-long claws deep into your flesh… And you can’t pull it off from your body without risking permanent and irreversible disfigurement. Now, multiply that sensation by three.
I guess I could open all of the doors and let them run free. This, of course, would mean certain death for my one retarded cat who would undoubtedly run directly into the fire. The other two are pretty smart though. I could spray them all with the garden hose before leaving just for fun… um… I mean for their own safety.
This thought process really is a good exercise to get a broad perspective of how disposable your possessions are. In my case, I would actually be better off if I lost everything. Am I in the minority?
7 Responses to “Burning Down The House”
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November 2nd, 2007 at 5:54 pm
Oh Please! If I could get away with it, I’d light the match myself and watch the motherfucker burn. BOTH of them!! It’d be kinda cool to start fresh and get all new “stuff” (George Carlin….”Your stuff is shit, but my shit is Stuff”
I would like to save my old photos that aren’t online. And my paintings. And that’s pretty much it for material posessions. I have quite a few “family heirloom” type antiques that I would hate to see burn, but I wouldn’t cry over their loss. And not to sound morbid or anything, but I’ve already lost the most precious thing (up to this point in my life (not counting kids) ever (my mother), and once you go through a loss like that, you see life AND material posessions in a totally different light. It’s just “stuff”…or shit
I’d save my kids of course.
My husband…hmmm…that’s kind of a hard one. He’s got a kick ass life insurance policy!
OK I’m just kidding. I’d save him I guess.
The dog? Ummm…no. Not so much. She only likes one person in the family and that is my husband and she lives to torture me. So yeah, she’s on her on. And NO! I am NOT jealous of my dog. bitch!
The cats? I have 3 also and I have one smart one and TWO dumbass ones but I’m quite sure they’d all run under the beds to hide and therefore I couldn’t save them. I’d try though. But then they’d probably do what you said about the claw “thing”. Kind of like when you try to bathe them and no matter how far away you hold them, their arms magically grow like 3ft and hook onto you and they will NOT let go!
But I definitely think I’d be better off if I lost all my stuff. Hey, can we stay at your house?
November 2nd, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Aww Tom we both have Talking Heads songs as the titles to one of our blogs…isn’t that too cute! anyway…I really enjoyed this one! It made me think about what the imortant things are in my life, and also about how dependant we(I) am on my computer. I don’t have things backed up, and if anything like that happened i would be royally screwed!!! I can also picture myself loaded up to the gills with stuff trying to run out of my house and tripping and going up in the blaze (I guess i should stop and think about my priorities, or invest in a laptop).
November 2nd, 2007 at 7:40 pm
Melanie – Of course, there’s plenty of room here for everyone (except your cats). Plus, that will get me a chance to do some scheming with your husband! (And I’ll delete your life insurance statement if he happens to mysteriously disappear or anything… For 10% of course).
Lizzy – Well, it shows once again that we both have awesome taste in music. I didn’t know that you were actively blog writing. I would be happy to link back to you if you email me the URL.
November 2nd, 2007 at 8:04 pm
20%…done.
this message will self destruct in 5 seconds….
November 2nd, 2007 at 8:07 pm
15% + “Favors”
November 2nd, 2007 at 8:30 pm
I will send you the link! haven’t posted anything for a while, but am thinking actively about the next post so watch out brother…
November 2nd, 2007 at 8:37 pm
pinkie swear on it and it’s a done deal…