Career Change
August 17th, 2008Career Change
Is It Ever Too Late?
Ever since I was a child, I always knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. Or, at least I thought I did.
Now, I haven’t yet achieved this goal, but I always wanted to be a pirate.
I mean, how cool of a job is that?
You get to travel the world with beautiful wenches, taking what you want and pillaging as needed. Sick of your ship? Just take another one. There’s nobody to answer to, and there are no boundaries to limit your adventures. OK, maybe land - but as long as there’s water, there’s potential.
Of course, having a hook for a hand is a wonderful fringe benefit.
Now, however, with recent media events, I realize that as fantastic as the pirate career sounds, it really only ranks second on my list.
What I really want to be - you know, if I ever grow up - is a Bigfoot hunter.
Obviously, by “hunter” I don’t mean the “shoot and kill” kind of hunting, but rather the “tracking” kind of hunting.
I’d still have the luxury of setting my own schedule, heading off to work whenever it felt right, and then wander around in the woods all day, or night.
That, my friends, it the perfect life.
If anyone knows of any open Bigfoot hunting positions, please let me know.
I guess monster.com would be a logical place to start.
Bigfoot Press Conference
August 17th, 2008Bigfoot Press Conference
In Case You Missed It
Bigfoot had a press conference yesterday to clear up any misconceptions presented to us by the Georgia Rednecks ™.
Bigfoot DNA
August 15th, 2008Bigfoot DNA
News Conference Update
A little more information has been released from the Bigfoot press conference…
Of the three DNA samples submitted by the Georgia Rednecks™, two came back as human, and one as a combination of human and possum.
Either this Bigfoot was having a very strange encounter right before his death, or these dumbasses are full of shit.
Besides, Bigfoot is too busy organizing his political campaign to be strolling around in the north Georgia woods.
No Bigfoot News
August 15th, 2008No Bigfoot News
Bigfoot News Conference A Flop
Coming as not much of a surprise to anyone, the anxiously awaited Bigfoot press conference focusing on the Georgia Bigfoot claim revealed… nothing.
CNN was there. FNN was there. About 100 reporters were there.
The “evidence”?
Well… Not there.
The actions of these rednecks will not dispell the beliefs of this writer however. Bigfoot is out there somewhere, probably watching all of this unfold from the comfort of his den in the forest, laughing his hairy ass off.
Believe.
I Want To Believe
August 13th, 2008I Want To Believe
Bigfoot Lives!
Well, OK, not this specific Bigfoot - but the rest of his tribe appears to be OK!
Surely you’re heard the news by now… A Bigfoot corpse has been discovered in my beautiful state of Georgia.
(original source and press release)
This awesome “monster” has been my favorite “mythical creature” since I was a child. There was always something really cool about this guy. Well, you know, not the dead guy in the photo, but the live ones that walk around in the forest.
So, yeah, I’m pretty skeptical of this latest claim - especially since it could be a well-devised marketing plan. But, I will hold out my hopes that this is real, and even more important, that these Bigfoots… um, Bigfeet… live right here in my state.
