Do Something Illegal
July 29th, 2008Do Something Illegal
People Will Remember You
So, I was looking for a very important document last night…
Wait, let me preface this by sharing my “very important document” filing method…
1). Important document comes into my possession.
2). If document is semi-important, it stays on the kitchen table until someone moves it, or throws it away. If the document is deemed “really important”, then if gets placed on the computer desk, somewhere between the “bills that are late” pile, the “bills that are really late and probably should be paid” pile, and the “bills that I haven’t yet opened because if I don’t open them, they don’t really exist” pile.
3). Once this pile of “really important documents to be filed” grows to a size that prevents me from moving the mouse around on the desk, the pile is sorted into “stuff that was really important before, but doesn’t seem so important now, and is to be shredded” and “stuff that still needs to be filed”.
4). Then, the “shred” pile gets shredded – this is always done without procrastination because, well, let’s face it, shredders are fun.
The “stuff that still needs to be filed” pile is then moved upstairs, into the room containing the file cabinet. But, the documents aren’t actually filed at this point. Instead, they are placed into a pile on a desk in that room.
5). Over a period of months, items in this pile will be read, removed, copied, faxed, scanned, and misplaced, until the pile becomes too large and unmanageable. When that happens, the pile is moved to the top of the file cabinet. No, I don’t mean the top drawer. I mean the top of the cabinet.
6). You know, to be filed when I have time.
Nothing ever really gets into the file cabinet from this pile. Some things end up behind the cabinet. Some items are used to kill spiders with. Some remain there. Others get moved and never returned.
The reason the items don’t get filed into the cabinet is that 98% of the documents currently in the file cabinet are obsolete and no longer relevant. I don’t want to put these “new and important” documents in with receipts for lawnmowers that I no longer own or medical records for pets that died two years ago.
So, anyway… I was looking for a really important document last night… Which means I was searching the entire house.
Along the way, I ran across and big envelope containing my family tree – my ancestry from the maternal side, in detail, dating back to the mid 1500s.
This sidetracked me for a good couple of hours, but I learned some very important things while reviewing this data…
First, no matter what you do in your life, you’re going to die. In fact, that is exactly what happened to every one of my ancestors.
Second, in most cases, your life will be summarized to future generations as one or two sentences. That’s it.
Those two sentences will be the mark you’ve left upon the world during your entire existence here.
Each summary of my ancestors was summed up with:
Old Person 1: Born somewhere in some year, married someone, died somewhere else in this other year.
Old Person 2: Born somewhere in some year, married someone, died somewhere else in this other year.
Old Person 3: Born somewhere in some year, married someone, died somewhere else in this other year.
Old Person 4: Born somewhere in some year, married someone, died somewhere else in this other year.
Old Person 5: Born somewhere in some year, married someone, died somewhere else in this other year.
Blah…
Blah…
Blah…
Until… Until we get to my Great Grandfather.
Old Person 15: Born somewhere in some year, married someone, died in state prison while serving a seven year sentence for shooting a police officer.
Oh, yeah, Great Grandpa was a badass. To make a long story short, he shot an officer who was trying to serve an arrest warrant on him (for “disturbing the peace” – aka, “beating his wife”).
Now, I never knew Great Grandpa because he died about 30 years before I was born. And, it should be noted that the police officer lived.
But, at least Great Grandpa stands out from the crowd in my 500+ year ancestry.
If you want to be remembered centuries from now, I strongly encourage you to go out and break some laws.
Under no circumstances should you shoot a police officer - and, if you do, I hope you get taken out in return - but maybe running nude through the middle of the Super Bowl or being the world’s most celebrated prostitute would work. Use your imagination, and just don’t hurt anyone.
Actually, if you decide upon that prostitute thing, send me an email…
